Why do you let me stay here?

Dear you,

I was both happy and sad when I saw you last Wednesday afternoon. I was happy because I get to see you again, after 3 years, I guess. Though, I saw you with her on a Sunday mass months ago but you didn't see me so it's not counted. Anyway, it was really a surprise to see you on a train. We were seated, facing to each other. We kind of locked eyes and we smiled, which made my heart beat fast. It felt so great to know that you still recognize me. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to look in the mirror in that very moment just to check if I look good —I should be looking good. I had to see if I'm pretty enough for you to smile at. Yet, I didn't have the chance to grab the mirror because I was too stunned. And, not to mention, when I found out you were on the same train with me, you were already looking at me. The feelings all came rushing back. I remembered the good ol' days with you. They all came back with just a glance.

I was sad because I realized, it's the least thing we could do —to smile at each other. We didn't even bother to talk. I didn't have the guts. I felt like I'm a stranger who passed by and you just smiled at me as a friendly gesture. I was sad because I still regret things. I know I have to forget and move on. But whenever I think of you, and eventually see you, I just can't help but to blame myself. I was naive and weak for not fighting for you. To just let you go and let someone else steal you away. But that just is. It already happened. A long time ago.

When the last station was approaching, I had to get a final glance at you. This would take months or even years to happen, or never again. No one knows. Above all this, I still feel glad that you haven't forgotten I exist. That's all that matters for now. I know this sounds all pathetic and shallow but I wanted you to know I am still hoping... or maybe not at all.

Sincerely,
Me

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