Why do you let me stay here?

Dear you,

I was both happy and sad when I saw you last Wednesday afternoon. I was happy because I get to see you again, after 3 years, I guess. Though, I saw you with her on a Sunday mass months ago but you didn't see me so it's not counted. Anyway, it was really a surprise to see you on a train. We were seated, facing each other. We kind of locked eyes and we smiled, which made my heart beat fast. It felt so great to know that you still recognize me. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to look in the mirror in that very moment just to check if I look good —I should be looking good. I had to see if I'm pretty enough for you to smile at. Yet, I didn't have the chance to grab the mirror because I was too stunned. And, not to mention, when I found out you were on the same train with me, you were already looking at me. The feelings all came rushing back. I remembered the good ol' days with you. They all came back with just a glance.

I was sad because I realized, it's the least thing we could do —to smile at each other. We didn't even bother to talk. I didn't have the guts. I felt like I'm a stranger who passed by and you just smiled at me as a friendly gesture. I was sad because I still regret things. I know I have to forget and move on. But whenever I think of you, and eventually see you, I just can't help but to blame myself. I was naive and weak for not fighting for you. To just let you go and let someone else steal you away. But that just is. It already happened. A long time ago.

When the last station was approaching, I had to get a final glance at you. This would take months or even years to happen, or never again. No one knows. Above all this, I still feel glad that you haven't forgotten I exist. That's all that matters for now. I know this sounds all pathetic and shallow but I wanted you to know I am still hoping... or maybe not at all.