The heartbreak I didn't know

 Mike—

A name I've known the past three years. It was just a name of someone I am used to call my "bebu" back then, but now, every time I hear it, my heart crumbles. A name I didn't know would be the name of a person whom my heart had longed for —for the longest time. A name He gave to a person who I prayed for every night. A name of a person that may sound common to all but actually was someone's name who's made a big impact in my life.

Hulio: Our shoe venture

Thiz izzz it! We've finally  made it happen!

Hulio is a Philippine local shoe brand made from handcrafted leather. The name "Hulio" was coined from Hulyo, Filipino translation of July. (It was back in July 2016 when my sister and I came up with the idea.) We just stylized the name and changed Y to I. Hence the name, Hulio.

New Years, New Beginnings

When 2016 started, I thought everything would be a bit better than 2015. I thought it would, somehow, heal all the pain, and the hurtful words. Well it did, in a way unimaginable.

Sometimes, we were just blinded by fantasies. We don't want to accept the fact that some things are falling apart, out of our control. So then we pretend that things are perfectly fine.

A night with Les Miz

I've been anxiously waiting for this night to come. Now, "I am finally here!", I thought to myself when we arrived at The Theater at Solaire, last Friday. Being inside The Theater itself gave me all the chills, in a good way. The place was jam-packed with people of different ages. You can see everyone all giddy and excited as I was. The show started at exactly 8 PM, no delay. When we were on our respective seats already, I knew it's going to be a very special night of my life. It is finally happening!

"Nothing lasts forever.. even heartbreaks."

Photo from lovehigher.tumblr.com

As much as I'd like to convince myself that whatever I'm feeling right now is just "temporary", I couldn't, because it kills me so much inside. I want to shout to the world how hurt I am and how painful it is to be in this situation.

For the past couple of days, I've been crying myself to sleep. My daughter sees me and she understands. Somehow, she's trying to comfort me with her hands wiping the tears off of my face. And it just makes me cry even more. I couldn't talk to anyone 'cause if I do, I'll just cry nonstop. I think it would take time. But crying surely is helping me cope. I actually feel good afterwards. 

But that doesn't mean I'm gonna be okay. Not any sooner.

Thank you, 2014!

Stretch. It's been a hella good roller coaster ride. Been through so many ups and downs. 2014 has taught me so many things; be it in life and career. Thank you to those who never left my side and those I've recently met who already made an impact in my life, I owe you guys. Without all these hardships that tested my faith, I wouldn't come out as who I am today. My family, who I once turned my back on, never gave up on me, and my friends whose ears never got tired listening to my endless cry for help. I've been so stupid, childish, and helpless. But these people have always stayed. And of course, to my partner, I know we've been through a lot. Thank you for adjusting and compromising. It's still going to be hard and much harder in the long run. But as long as we both keep our faith to each other, especially now, it's all gonna work out alright.

God is great, indeed. He even blessed me with a new life inside me. Must be the greatest gift of my 2014. Looking forward to see you, anak! ☺ Let's all welcome a new year with warmth, joy, and forgiveness in our hearts. Happy New Year! God bless us all!

Bring me back to life

I'm back from a 2-month hiatus to being an employed person! I started working at Interprise Solutions (still Makati-based) last Monday, August 5. Finally, a more technical job. :p I'm still familiarizing myself, studying this and that. So far, it's great. To make things more exciting, I'm with my friends — Pau, Kath, Jejo! :-) 

The pain still kills us all.

Just so you know, my great aunt, Mommy La (from this entry), passed away last October 20th, around 1 PM. I was at work when my cousin SMS-ed me.

Cholo: Alam mo na ba ang balita?

Me: Fuck. Ano?

Cholo: Pina-process na ni San Pedro papers ni Mamila.

It didn't occur to me that she's already gone that time. I just thought that she's having a hard time, as always, breathing or eating or suffering from her illness... But she's not. When I got off from work and headed to her place, the gates were fully opened and the place was so bright. Everybody was there.

“Life is a challenge, meet it.” —Mother Teresa

My great-aunt, Mommy La, was diagnosed with Breast Cancer stage 3D two weeks ago. When she told me and my sister about it, we just couldn't help but cry. She's one of my favorite persons. And I hate knowing that she's sick. She's just in her early 50s. :-( Her chemo will start next week, I guess. And I don't think I can take seeing her losing her hair. I know she will get pass through this. She's one strong woman.

I love you, Mommy! You're going to be in my prayers, always.

M5 Madness

The only decent picture of me and Joyce from last night (from my sucky camera phone). We weren’t allowed to bring the DSLR inside. I even tried to sneak it in, got caught, and even made lame excuses, lol. I still failed anyway. It was just so stupid of us to forget the digicam. Boohoo!

Fireworks

One of the most-anticipated events of every student has already happened. It was relieving. After all the sacrifices, hard work does really pay off. My parents couldn't be any more proud. And me, who made it this far, will be forever grateful. :-)

Why do you let me stay here?

Dear you,

I was both happy and sad when I saw you last Wednesday afternoon. I was happy because I get to see you again, after 3 years, I guess. Though, I saw you with her on a Sunday mass months ago but you didn't see me so it's not counted. Anyway, it was really a surprise to see you on a train. We were seated, facing each other. We kind of locked eyes and we smiled, which made my heart beat fast. It felt so great to know that you still recognize me. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to look in the mirror in that very moment just to check if I look good —I should be looking good. I had to see if I'm pretty enough for you to smile at. Yet, I didn't have the chance to grab the mirror because I was too stunned. And, not to mention, when I found out you were on the same train with me, you were already looking at me. The feelings all came rushing back. I remembered the good ol' days with you. They all came back with just a glance.

I was sad because I realized, it's the least thing we could do —to smile at each other. We didn't even bother to talk. I didn't have the guts. I felt like I'm a stranger who passed by and you just smiled at me as a friendly gesture. I was sad because I still regret things. I know I have to forget and move on. But whenever I think of you, and eventually see you, I just can't help but to blame myself. I was naive and weak for not fighting for you. To just let you go and let someone else steal you away. But that just is. It already happened. A long time ago.

When the last station was approaching, I had to get a final glance at you. This would take months or even years to happen, or never again. No one knows. Above all this, I still feel glad that you haven't forgotten I exist. That's all that matters for now. I know this sounds all pathetic and shallow but I wanted you to know I am still hoping... or maybe not at all.

Sincerely,

Me

Margareth Ann

Hello, Blogger!

Here I am, trying to make a new entry for a fresh start I was demanding just a while ago. I know, I spoil myself too much. Anyway, just so you know, my blog name was referenced from Goldfinger's 2000 single, Margaret Ann; which happens to be my jumbled name —Joy Ann Margareth, only my Margareth goes with an H. And yes, I love the song so much! So, that's basically it.

Toodles!