"Nothing lasts forever.. even heartbreaks."


As much as I'd like to convince myself that whatever I'm feeling right now is just "temporary", I couldn't, because it kills me so much inside. I want to shout to the world how hurt I am. And how painful it is to be in this situation.

For the past couple of days, I've been crying myself to sleep. Crying with my daughter by my side. She sees me. And she understands. Somehow, she's trying to comfort me with her hands wiping the tears off of my face. And it just makes me cry even more. I couldn't talk to anyone. 'Cause if I do, I'll just cry nonstop. And I couldn't take any advice from anyone yet. My mind and ears are closed. I think it would take time. But crying surely is helping me cope. I release amounts of heartache little by little which, I think, is a good thing. I actually feel good afterwards. 

But that doesn't mean I'm gonna be okay. Not any sooner.

Loneliness is such an underrated word. I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo. And it would take a while. I try to hide the pain whenever I'm with other people. I don't want anyone asking questions. I don't want to hear anything from anyone that concerns what I'm feeling right now.

I want to feel every inch of pain. I couldn't run away from it, anyway. I deserved it all because I have loved someone so much it's not right anymore. I forgot to love myself. I lost control. I just let things happen even if it's no longer right.

I held on for so long no matter what the consequences were. I didn't want to lose him. But eventually, I did. And along the way, I also lost myself.

I don't know how to start again. All I know is that crying helps. Maybe in time, I'd learn it myself. But for now, I just want to feel all the pain. Because nothing in this world is permanent. And what I'm going through is just temporary.

No comments